The Day I Stopped Loving My Boyfriend So Much

Whenever I have a bad day or I’m feeling down or just not “enough,” I always tell myself, “At least I have a good boyfriend who truly loves me.”

It’s always nice to know there’s that one person who will love you no matter what, whether that’s your boyfriend or mom or sister or best friend.

But just the other day, I decided I should probably stop loving him so much.

We are now engaged and getting married next year and I love him more than anyone on the planet. But that’s just the thing, I have to remember to love God more. I have to get through those bad days by saying, “At least my God truly loves me.” I have to lean on Him, not anyone or anything on earth.

How many of us do that? “Well, at least I have a good job,” or, “At least I have really nice clothes and a big house,” or, “Who cares if this didn’t work out because I have a better opportunity somewhere else.”

I’m not saying any of those things are bad things, but they can become bad things when we value them over everything else, including our relationship with God.

People will fail us. He will not.

If I let all my joy depend on my boyfriend (fiance, whatever, I’m not used to it) that is unfair to me and him. I am putting unrealistic expectations on him to give me the joy that only an almighty God can deliver. So, when he can’t do that, because he’s not God, I let myself get upset and feel let down, when, in reality, He will never be able to fill that void.

There is a God-sized hole in your heart – I know you’ve heard that before – and it can only be filled by God. There is no boyfriend or friend or job that can fill it.

People are certainly important. God created community and fellowship for us on purpose. He speaks through our loved ones and uses them to talk to us. Think about that – you are being used for your loved ones just like God uses them for you.

But have you ever let anyone down? The answer is yes. Because you aren’t God either.

We are here to help each other, not heal each other.

We can’t save anyone and no one can save us. Only God is in that business. All we can do for each other is point to Him and love like Him.

My boyfriend/fiance points me to Jesus. Always.

Just last night, I was crying and just having a bad day, and instead of him trying to fix the problem, he listened to me and then prayed over me. He took my problems and gave them to Jesus.

That’s what we have to do. Give it to Jesus.

No one can heal your broken heart like Jesus. A new boyfriend, a new girlfriend, a trip, a new house.. none of that is going to heal your broken heart. Jesus will – I promise.

So don’t put that pressure on anyone else, or even yourself. You can’t be your own savior. “You weren’t meant to carry this beyond the cross.” Remember that.

While I love my fiance and am looking forward to a lifetime with him, when I catch myself loving him and spending more time with him than HIM, we start to have problems. I can’t love him the way God intended when I’m not loving God.

So I decided to stop loving him more than anything else because that is reserved for God. I decided to stop loving anything more than I love God. I have to put Him first for the rest to follow.

I encourage you to do the same. Because I love you and know that will give you the best life. He will give you the best life.

So yes, I love my boyfriend very much, but I’ll be careful now to not love him too much and not let him love me too much. It’s the old triangle theory – if we both have God at the top, we will inevitably grow closer… through Him.

Go be love,

Kaitlin

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Author:

God is writing my story while He lets me write a few for Him.

14 thoughts on “The Day I Stopped Loving My Boyfriend So Much

    1. I understand very much what you are saying and my husband and I always put Jesus first. But then he passed away unexpectedly and tragically. So your theory really doesn’t work every time. You fail to mention what would you do if he was no longer there to listen to you when you have a bad day, like my husband Jeremy was. Will you be mad at God at first for taking him away? Of course, because that is where everyone’s mind goes. Why would God do this? Especially if it is unexpected and tragic. One minute my husband is alive. The next hour he is gone. No sickness. No time for my heart to prepare. Then comes the overwhelming grief and numbness where you want to join him. I know God loves me, but my broken heart can’t be healed when I am numb. Although your theory is true in some aspects, but flawed in others because there is a greater perspective that needs to be looked at.

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  1. That’s a good healthy perspective on relationships and the relationship with Jesus. I had to catch myself this week on not placing my wife above God…it can be difficult at times! But I definitely love Jesus more 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is awesome. Defiantly changed the way I love HIM and living others. Thank you so much for writing this. I needed to read this. Will be sending this on

    Liked by 2 people

  3. lf you have anything that you can,t carry to heaven with you then move it to the side where you put all things that you love less than God for it shall become rags and rust in the end, no more than dust to God! Never let any if these things be more to you than your Savior Christ and his Father God! Love and prayers!

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  4. That is the reason why I love my husband of 28 years. When we first met I was broken from ending my engagement to someone else. He told me that I had learn to love God more because He first loved me. Once I learned to do that than I could love again as God intended for us to do. My husband and I always but God first and everything else falls into place in God’s time not ours.

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