You’re Not The Only One

When you’re in a valley, going through something hard, you feel like you are the only one on earth experiencing that type of pain at that moment. But the truth it, you aren’t.

No matter how minor or major the situation is or seems, you are not alone.

I shared a blog post a couple weeks ago about quitting my dream job, and I never could have imagined the response I got.

I was fully expecting for everyone to think I was totally deranged and stupid because that’s how I felt.

But it was quite the opposite. SO many people poured out love and encouragement and said they were proud of me. Yes, proud of me. I was shocked, too. Then I just wept because I realized that people want to see people they love, and even people they don’t know, happy. It inadvertently makes us happier.

We are all here wanting love, so we have to give it. And we are all one big world, one big community, cheering each other on. So, no, you’re not alone. You are not the only one facing what you’re facing. Don’t believe for one second the lies that say you are alone.

Dozens and dozens of people messaged me after reading that post and shared their similar struggles. It was just a big massive response of, “Me too.”

As soon as I wrote that post and shared it with the world, I released it to the universe and to God. It was no longer my burden. Everyone who read it took it from me and took it for me and replaced it with love. I felt so much peace after I typed the last word.

But even after that, I continued to feel more peace and reassurance that I had made the right decision during my time of desperation because I knew at least one person needed it. And as soon as the first person messaged me, I said out loud, “This is why I quit my job and this is why I told everyone about it.”

And then the messages flooded in with, “I want to quit my job too,” “I want to break up with my boyfriend,” “I want to change my major,” “I want to move cities,” and they all ended with, “But I’ve been too scared. Thank you for the inspiration.”

See, God used little ol’ me and my little ol’ difficult situation to bring glory to HIM and to bring inspiration, rest, peace, comfort to so many other people who realized they weren’t the only ones.

One of the most powerful stories a reader shared with me was that of her feeling that she had listened to God’s signs “too late.”

This woman had moved to another country and had been there for five years, met a guy, and loved her life, but something was telling her to leave. She said she knew she needed to be out of the relationship and she knew she should move back to America, but she ignored God’s calling.

She finally decided to leave and move back home so she could spend more time with her grandson. It was hard for her to leave her boyfriend, but she committed to listening to God’s calling. Her bags were packed and she was ready to make a huge move when she found out her son and grandson had been killed in a wreck.

Too late.

Those were the words that hit her like a ton of bricks.

But it’s never too late to listen to God. We can’t ruin His plan for our lives and we can’t stay off the path forever, no matter how many detours we take. So, she moved anyway because she knows God wanted her to.

She connected with my story not because it was exactly the same but because we both had a choice to make concerning God’s calling, and neither one of us found it easy.

I heard plenty of other stories of a girl who had grown up wanting to be a lawyer and went to law school at the University of Alabama and was halfway through when she decided she wanted to quit and flip houses and go into the real estate business. She knows law won’t make her happy.

Another girl felt God calling her to a new city so she left friends, broke up with her boyfriend, found a new job and was miserable for months until she saw “the why” behind God calling her to move.

The point is – we are all going through it. We are all figuring life out and making turns and trying to be happy, but there is a comfort in knowing there is always someone else going through either exactly what you’re going through or something that can teach you about your situation. God did that on purpose. He formed relationships a long time ago because He knew how much we needed them. He knew our stories, our struggles, our hearts, our fears, our dreams, our joys would all match up in some way at some point. He made us so different and so alike at the same time – what a thoughtful God.

So, in the midst of your struggle right now, right where you are, remember you are not the only one in the valley and you won’t be the last one there either. Just like someone used what they learned from their lows, use what you’re going through right now to help someone else. That’s one of those “why” moments God gives us – He shows us that the reason why we struggle is sometimes not for us but for someone else. Our heartbreaks can help heal.  And He does something inside us during those moments and those seasons that remind us to live life like that – like every day, every situation, every rise, and every fall is not for us but for someone else, for everyone else. Less of us, more of Him. More of everyone else.

You’re not the only one,

Kaitlin

When You Go Through Something That “Isn’t That Bad”

Have you ever told someone about something you’re struggling with and they responded with, “It isn’t that bad.”

It’s like a punch in the gut. Because to you, it IS that bad.

It might be that your cat died or your debit card got stolen or you ran out of gas… or whatever. The point is – to you, in that moment, it was a bad feeling.

You may have a bad day or week or month, and to someone else who is going through something horrible, your problem probably seems like a drop in the bucket, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tough and you aren’t experiencing self-doubt and anxiety and a whole list of other things.

Recently, I have been going through a career change. I quit my current job as a news reporter without having another job lined up, and I never in my life imagined quitting a job and finding a new one would be so hard – mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s very draining and it’s very tiring and hearing “no” a million times can really crush a person’s confidence.

It has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life and my pride and ego and worldly desires have been torn down one small piece at a time, and every piece stings a little more.

So you can imagine that I have had a few breakdowns here and there – and I know I’m not alone in that. Change is scary, and sometimes, we let our emotions control our reaction.

I know many of you have been there – maybe on a smaller scale or maybe on a much bigger scale.

Maybe you are changing positions at your current job or maybe you are changing from “in a relationship” to “single” or maybe you are accepting the change of no longer having a loved one here on earth. No matter the change, “small” or “big,” it can be hard and can wear you down… if you let it.

In the midst of all the stress and anxiety I have had about this change, I have been taking it out on people closest to me. One night after finding out I didn’t get a job I had applied for that I really wanted (and really thought I would get), I had a meltdown and just poured my heart out to my fiance – my anger, frustration, doubt, insecurity, fear, confusion, etc.

And out of all the kind, encouraging, positive things he said to me, one thing stood out and made me so mad: “It’s not that bad.”

WHAT?

It’s not that bad? Ok that’s fine that you don’t care about my problems AT ALL.

I mean I went totally 14-year-old “you don’t care about my life” mode. I was furious that I had completely poured my heart out and explained my frustration and he had the nerve to tell me “it’s not that bad.”

He wasn’t being mean, of course. He was just trying to tell me that other people are going through worse things, and at the end of the day, a job is not the most important thing in the world and should not cause me so much stress. Not when God has already handled it.

And he was right.

But in that moment, I was focused on my problem, my life, my worries, my stress, and my situation. I wasn’t focused on the reality that it really wasn’t so bad and that God was going to handle it without a doubt.

I think a lot of us do that all the time. We want people to listen to our problems and feel sorry for us – we want them to tell us what we WANT to hear, not what we NEED to hear. But listen when I say, you NEED those people who will set you straight and point you back to God in those dark situations. And we have the chance to really exercise our faith when we truly hand it over to God and watch Him work while we finally relax and do our part in a stress-free manner.

And no, a job change/a job search is NOT that bad, but at the time, it has been the most important thing on my mind. However, I’ve had so many opportunities to really trust God and let Him show out for me AND others to see.

I have a friend I reference often who had colon cancer, and he has been in and out of the hospital for the past year and a half. Every time he gets out, he goes back. And not only is he strong, his fiance is the strongest woman I know. They have held on to their faith in God the entire time. Of course they have had some very rough days, but they have oozed with peace and the mentality that “it’s not that bad.”

They know it could be worse. He is thankful to be alive and she is thankful to have him, no matter what that might look like right now. Because they KNOW God is going to come through and they know that have to trust Him through the process and grow in the meantime.

That’s what it should look like for me and you, too.

Whether a job, a relationship, relocation, tragedy, heartbreak, struggle – you name it – “it’s not that bad.”

This is NOT to downplay what some people are going through right now. There are people in the world right now who just lost a child or both parents or a spouse or their entire family or their best friend. There are people who have seen murders or fatal car wrecks or mass shootings. There are A LOT of bad things going on in the world. And those things remind me that the things that seem so huge to me really aren’t that bad.

However, so many of those people experiencing those things think and say the same thing as my friends! They are living through their own personal hell and are still able to find the bright side and recognize that maybe someone, somewhere else is in more pain. They recognize that “this too shall pass” and that EVERYTHING will pass, good or bad, but God won’t. And that’s what they cling to.

If that’s not encouragement, I don’t know what is. I’m encouraged by those people I don’t know who do it, people I briefly cross paths with who do it, and people I love, like my dear friends I mentioned, who do it right in front of me.

It encourages me to take my struggle and hand it over. It encourages me to have the mentality that “it’s not that bad” and I will get through. It may not look the way I always thought it would, but that doesn’t mean God isn’t using it and using me for a much bigger, more beautiful purpose.

So, my fiance was right. (Don’t tell him I said that). It’s not that bad and it never will be, even on days my world comes crashing down, because I have faith and a God who is bigger and has promised to deliver me. He has promised me the PROMISED LAND. He has promised me eternal life. So, I refuse to let “this life” be that bad because I am setting my sights on things above.

I encourage you to do the same. I know I’m speaking to someone right now who is in a low, low valley. Lower than they’ve ever been. Friend, whatever it is, I PROMISE you WILL be OK. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but God is working and He will pull you up on to the mountain.

And on a lighter note, when you spill your coffee or get a flat tire, laugh it off and remember, “it’s not that bad.”

God provided me with a new job, by the way. It wasn’t when I thought he would. It wasn’t where I thought he would. It wasn’t what I thought he would. It was nothing I expected or really wanted, but it’s what He wanted for me. I called out, and He answered. He took care of me. And maybe it was to remind me that it really just isn’t that bad and I really just need to have faith. Because He will. He always does.

Trust His timing,

Kaitlin

 

The Day I Quit My Dream Job

My heart is so heavy as I write this.

I never really imagined my life in this spot. I guess no one probably does.

I have cried. I have prayed. I have prayed a lot. I have cried a lot. My soul has been weary. I’ve let the stress of the situation overcome me and I haven’t given it over to God. And that’s why I write this.

I contemplated even writing this at all. My pride and the enemy wanted me to internalize it and not share it. But God’s calling won, so I’m writing it.

I’m writing it for me and I’m writing it for whomever else needs it for whatever reason.

I need to write it to release it. And I know someone needs to read it.

I quit my job a few weeks ago. My dream job. The job everyone thought was “perfect.”

My last day is August 12, 2016.

I have worked at a news station for a little more than two years. It was my first job out of college. And I started somewhere most people have to work a few years to get to.

I graduated and started working there as a digital producer, wanting to be on-air as a reporter all along.

It’s been my dream to be a news anchor, a journalist since I was probably 15 years old. I don’t remember ever not wanting to do it. I just knew, ever since I was young, that I would be on Good Morning America one day. It wasn’t a cute fantasy. It was my goal.. and I was in the process of reaching it. I just new it.

And I did it. I got to the first major step. Then, I got promoted to traffic reporter and then to a full-time reporter by the time I had been there about a year and a half.

I was in the role I’d dreamt of, fought for, worked for, studied for, prayed for, cried for. And I wasn’t happy.

People always say, “Wow you’re on TV! It must be so fun and so glamorous! You have the best job ever.”

It was so fun. Not so glamorous. But so fun. I worked so hard and learned so much and the people I met changed me. But I felt like something wasn’t right.

My mental and physical health have been way less than they should be. And even worse, my spiritual health was deteriorating. I’ve been sick from the inside out.

It all kept getting worse. I started dreading going to work. And this had nothing to do with anyone but me. I started having a bad attitude. I had a spirit of offense, so any time I felt like someone was being “rude” or attacking me, I attacked back. And I pushed people away.

I stopped being a doormat, but I started being a bulldozer. I didn’t want to be there and I didn’t want to do what I was doing anymore.

I got tired of waking up at 4 a.m. and I got tired of the stress and I got tired of being tired.

Then one day it hit me and I knew I had to quit. I had said I was going to quit before, but this time was real. I called my mom and told her. I didn’t ask her if I should. I told her. And  the sound of her voice told me that she approved of whatever decision I made, and that gave me the green light.

I told my bosses and we talked about it and worked out a deal. I knew I had to pay to be released from my contract, but I also know there is no price tag on personal happiness.

Ever since that day three weeks ago, I have been more sick, more stressed, more tired, and more upset than I ever was before.

But I have gotten closer to God.

I have struggled in wondering if I made the right choice and if I should tell them I change my mind. I have struggled to find another job – one that pays more and allows a normal schedule and allows me to use my skills and my degree.

I have felt ashamed, stupid, and pathetic. I have felt like a failure and a quitter. With every “no,” with every moment of fear, with every “What are you going to do now?” question, I have sunk deeper and deeper into the beginnings of a very dark depression. And that’s real. And it’s scary.

I have said to myself, “What are you doing? You have a job so many people dream of and so many people would love and so many people think you are perfect for, and you’re throwing it all away to be happy?”

And then I have answered myself: “Yes. To be happy.”

I have fought myself out of what could be a very bad place in my life by resting in Truth.

I mean, I took a HUGE leap of faith quitting a solid job without another one lined up. But it’s strange how many people have said, “Wow, I’m proud of you,” or “Wow, you are so brave.” That shocked and excited me. Other people want to do the same thing, but they are scared. And so am I. So, I’m not doing anything but trusting God. I have to not only say I have faith in Him, I have to ACTUALLY have faith and live that out.

Not everyone is in my situation. But some people are. Some people want to quit their job and pursue their passions. Some want to leave a relationship. Some want to change their major. Some want to move. Some want to start a business.

And fear is a huge reason so many of us don’t.

I’m telling you right now that if God wants you somewhere doing something, you will. He will guide you there.

And if you make the wrong choice, if I made the wrong choice in quitting my job, then guess what? We are not smart enough or powerful enough to mess His plan for our lives up. That’s the best piece of advice I’ve been given through this time of struggle.

His plan is like a route. You are going to a destination. You might take a few wrong turns or run off the road or take too many bathroom breaks, but you ARE going to get where you’re going. You just have to follow Him. He has the map. If you don’t follow the map, you won’t get there. If you do follow it, you’ll get there – it might be messy and tiring – but you’ll get there and there will be a lot of beauty and growth along the way.

This process has hurt and been one of the very hardest times of my life. I’ve had breakdowns, cry-fests full of mascara and snot, and moments of just emptiness. But at the same time I’ve never felt myself moving closer to God. It’s a wild, awesome paradox.

At the end of the day, this has nothing to do with a “job.” It has everything to do with God reminding me why I’m here and who I am. He is just using this to shake me.

Jobs do not define us. Careers are not all life is. Jobs can be used for His glory and they can be an outlet for us, but they are not who we are. We are His. And if what we are doing is not furthering His kingdom or drawing us closer to Him, we have to make a turn.

My profession can be used for Him, and I believe I was using it for Him at one time, but that’s not the case for me anymore. So, I have to make the choice to turn.

A life change like this is scary, but it forces you to either rely on yourself or in something greater. So many times, I’ve tried to make it by myself. I haven’t let anyone help me or tell me anything. I haven’t listened to God. And that’s when I have been broken.

But the days when I seek Him and surrender my worries to Him, I am free.

I am scared out of my mind but I am free.

My favorite author, Elizabeth Gilbert, constantly says to never quit your job to write a book. You have to have a job. And I’m not quitting my job just to write a book, but I am quitting A job to write a book. To live. To press into God and His church more. To pour into students. To spend time with family. To love on friends. To travel more. To exercise more. To cook more. To find a new job. To DO more than I have while I have been worn down in a place I’ve already been used. It’s time for me to go.

Most people don’t understand what I’m doing and that’s ok. I don’t either. But He does.

Change is scary. You won’t understand and everyone else won’t understand, but that’s ok. Change is good and necessary for growth. Growing pains are real, but the outcome is something bigger and better.

Today, one of my co-workers told me about a dream she had.

Co-worker: “I had a dream my boyfriend proposed. He bought me a religious card and it had a Bible verse in it, which is weird because neither of us are very religious.”

Me: “What verse was it?”

Co-worker: “Psalm 17:1.. It’s weird that I remember the verse.”

Psalm 17:1 “A prayer of David. Hear me, LORD, my plea is just; listen to my cry. Hear my prayer– it does not rise from deceitful lips.”

At first I thought maybe she needed to hear that verse for some reason, and that’s why she dreamt it. But the more I thought about it, I realized I needed to hear it, and she was a vessel for God to speak it to me.

I have been crying out to Him with honesty and innocence and sincerity. And He wants me to know He hears me. He wants you to know He hears you. Our prayers are not in vain because He did not die in vain.

You and your life plan matter. Even when you are in an “in-between” stage where you might have to swallow your pride and work somewhere that isn’t “cool” or “prestigious” or “fun.” The fact of the matter is the plan was never ours to begin with.

I have learned that I have to read His word and worship Him to hear Him. I can’t hear Him if the noise of the world, the Enemy, and my messed up thoughts are inside my head. So I have been so much more dedicated to really leaning in to hear Him. What a difference that makes.

And I may have to do something I did not plan on doing or do not want to do to get to where I am supposed to be, but that’s fine, because He never said life would always be fun or easy or glamorous.

I compared this entire thing to a relationship just the other day (of course I did).

When I was in college dating the guy I thought I would marry, I knew deep, deep down, he wasn’t the one, but I was too scared to leave. We broke up, got back together, and had a very unhealthy relationship. But in the end, we broke up and I moved on.

I then dated someone who helped me move on. He was fun and distracting, but He wasn’t the one either and I wrestled with what to do. So, God did it for me.

After I let go of my own plan for my love life and surrendered it to God, He delivered me the most wonderful, loving, caring man that will be my husband very soon.

The point is, it was a long journey to get to my dream guy. It hurt so bad and I made so many mistakes. I didn’t always listen to God and I drove myself crazy. He removed unhealthy relationships and habits and helped me grow every step of the way. And in the end, I finally gave up and let Him do what He had been trying to tell me to be patient for.

And I’m confident the same thing is happening now.

It could be a long time until I have my “dream” job. Because my dream changed.

Someone told me only a week before I quit, “Dreams change. People change. We grow and get smarter.” We figure things out… what we love, what we don’t love, what makes us happy, what steals our joy… and that’s called LIVING.

I have been scared of what people will say because everyone has always supported me in this, and so many people helped me get to this place. In and out of my workplace.

But, again, it’s not all about the job. I went to a university I never thought I’d go to, met people I never knew I’d meet, got an internship that led to a job in a city that was never on my radar, hated the city, fell in love with the city, fell in love with the people, met my future husband, and grew so much mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I would NEVER be in the exact place I am in life right now if I wouldn’t have moved here for this job. Hmmmm…. maybe God used the job for a bigger purpose. Just a thought.

I pray for a good job making a good living, but more than anything, I want to live. And I don’t have to devote my life to a career that used to appeal to me to do that.

I don’t have to be a famous anchor to do that. I may not be meant to do that, even thought I was so sure of it. I’ve been known to be wrong.

But I do have to press into Him and His purpose for me and run with it. Run super hard with it and don’t ever stop. And encourage everyone, absolutely everyone, I meet along the way to do the same.

I keep feeling like I’ve given up. And I have. I’ve give up MY life and plan for Him.

I also keep thinking about all the little girls who have come up to me in the park or at the mall and said they looked up to me. My job gave me that platform. I feel like I’ve lost it.

But God’s platform is SO much bigger.

I could work at a grocery store, a bookstore, a coffee shop, a school, a plant, a gas station, a mall, or at a job making millions – none of that matters. All that matters is how my life points everyone else to their greater purpose and to Heaven. And that I am filled with joy while I do it.

So, to recap (and gather my thoughts) on this whole big foggy mess of a life leap:

1. I decided to quit the job I had always dreamt of and went to school for.
2. I freaked out that I had made the wrong choice.
3. I worried what everyone would think.
4. I worried I would disappoint people.
5. I worried I would never find another job I love.
6. I worried people I work with will hate me.
7. I worried I was messing my entire life up.
8. I stopped worrying.
9. I started praying, reading, listening.
10. I gave it up to God.
11. I applied for jobs and then let Him work.
12. I decided to devote more time to my real dream of writing a book.
13. I let go of my pride.
14. I accepted whatever He has for me.
15. I realized a job is a job and things are things, but God is God and I have to focus on that.

This has all been a lot. My mind has been in a fog, but I can see God through all the fog, and He is waiting on me right where He has always been.

I have no idea where I’m going from here. I could end up back at the job I’m leaving or I could end up somewhere I never imagined. Trying to figure that out will drive me insane, so I’m letting the Author handle it. And I’m not letting anyone else rent any space in my mind, including the Enemy.

Friend, whatever you are facing, it will all work out. As my best friend said, “When has your life not worked out?” Somehow, some way, as long as you are fixed on God, it WILL work out. It may not be how you imagined it, but all of the best things in life happen just that way.

You are a vessel. He will use you as soon as you say “OK.” Your story will help someone. Your life will lead someone. Your words will lift someone.

So, that job, that relationship, that payment, that disease, that temptation, that person, that place, that thought, that struggle… it is NOT bigger than God. It never will be. Rest, I mean like hard-nap-on-a-Sunday-rest, in that truth.

Oh, and you are LOVED. So loved. Remember that during this trial because love conquers all.

I didn’t quit my job because I was mad. I didn’t quit because someone hurt my feelings. I didn’t quit because I hated the place or the people. I quit for me. I quit to explore what else might make me happy. I quit to figure out life. I quit to follow God’s plan and pursue it more. I quit to pursue people more. I quit because I felt something pulling me away.

I’ll be sad, I’ll be confused, I’ll be angry, I’ll be numb, but I WILL be OK. You will be OK. It will ALL be OK.

Because I’ll also be happy and fulfilled and joyful and free. Not because of a job – no that is not my identity. I am not the “news reporter,” I am not “Kaitlin Chappell,” I’m not “that girl with the cool job.” I am a Child of God. I am Chosen. I am Redeemed. I am Loved.

And we share all those names. So shake off the others. The good ones and the bad ones. Because neither are important.

Step out on faith when you are called to and then actually live it out and see how He uses you.

I’m going to try my best to do that while I open up the next chapter of this really crazy, beautiful, ever-changing life.

Go be love,

Kaitlin Chappell