On The Days You Don’t Feel Pretty Enough

I seriously just had to get this out for you guys today. Because I have just felt straight ugly all day.

I’m not saying that so someone will say, “Oh my gosh no you’re so pretty.” I’m not fishing for compliments or looking for affirmation. I’m just leveling with you and letting you know how hard it was for me to be ok with me today.

I let every little thing get to me and make me feel worthless today.

I had a meeting at work where I was critiqued the entire time – which was helpful – but I put the blame for any of my shortfalls immediately on the fact that I just was not pretty enough.

I looked at some other women in my same work position in other cities and thought, “Well they’re prettier. I’ll never be able to be as good as them because I’ll never be that pretty.”

Bare with me. I know this is a ridiculous way of thinking, but I’m just going out on a limb and betting I’m not the only one who thinks this way sometimes.

I left work and looked in the mirror and just couldn’t smile. “Has anyone’s face every been this broken out?” “Do I seriously have a cold sore?” “I’m just not pretty today.”

Back to back to back absolute punches to my own gut.

I started scrolling through social media, and of course, saw 17 different beautiful girls who really seemed to have it all. I just felt so awful about myself.

Comparison is the thief of joy and it certainly stole every ounce of joy I had.

I looked in the mirror again and just started criticizing every last part of myself. My teeth, my skin, my body, my hair… I just wasn’t ok with any of it.

And then something stopped me dead in my tracks: God sees us “not as man sees us.” He looks at the heart.

I just did the “She Reads Truth” study on Leah and Rachel. Even though Leah had “weak eyes” and wasn’t as “beautiful” as her sister Rachel, God remembered her and gave her the desires of her heart.

She wanted so badly to have what Rachel had, but guess what! Rachel wanted to bare children like Leah!

Both women spent their lives comparing themselves to one another instead of walking in the beauty God had specifically designated each of them.

That’s just it. He specifically designated a beauty to everyone. When we own it and walk with it, we become even more beautiful to people around us.

How often do we just want to be someone

I read a quote a few days again that said, “No one else is you. That is your power.” You are the ONLY you there ever has been or ever will be.

I wish I would’ve listened to my own advice instead of absolutely bashing someone so beautiful God took the time to assign beauty to – myself.

No matter my clothes, my messy hair, my coffee-stained teeth, my imperfect skin or whatever else I have decided about myself, God decided I’m worthy and breathtaking, and He has the final say.

I know someone reading this woke up feeling the same way today. And it may not be because of anything anyone else said. It may just be a thought in your mind from the pits of hell, but send them back there because that’s where they belong. They weren’t meant to exist here on earth in your precious mind.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to try so hard to be beautiful. Just be – that’s beautiful enough in itself.

God never asked us to make sure we look our best at all times. He just asked us to search our hearts and let Him clean those up so they will be beautiful and just ooze out beauty all over the place!

You are beautiful. I want you to know that, without a doubt. You really are.

Don’t spend another second thinking otherwise.

I decided I’m not doing that to myself anymore. No one else is bashing me and telling me how ugly I am, so why should I. And if they do, that’s their heart problem and something they will have to work out. I won’t let it affect me.

I love who God decided to make me, and that means loving everything about me from the top curl on my head to the bottom of my smallest toe.

On the days you feel ugly and not pretty enough, go ahead and kick that thought straight to the curb because you already know Who thinks you’re gorgeous. And chances are, He’s not the only one.

Go be beautiful.

To The Boy Who’s Tired Of Waiting

“When will that girl notice me? Should I even try to ask her out? There’s no way she would date someone like me.”

Girls are waiting on their Prince Charming, but all those Prince Charmings out their are waiting on the right girl, too.

Not every guy is a “player” and not every guy is out to break girls’ hearts. Some of them have had their hearts broken too, and they are scared to get back in the game.

To that guy: keep holding out and waiting for the girl who needs you like you need her. She will be worth it, and she will let you love her the way you’ve tried to love girls before.

You’ve been turned down or looked over or just completely dumped, but that’s ok because those girls just weren’t the ones for you. They were just preparing you for the one who is for you.

Everyone says it’s so hard to be a girl, but I can tell it’s hard to be a guy too. Your feelings and emotions are sometimes forgotten, but it’s YOU who has to make the first move, ask the girl on the date, get the flowers, and go out on a limb for a girl you think is great who may not reciprocate the feelings.

It’s terrifying to ask a girl – a girl you have decided is out of your league – out on that first date. But I promise, she’s just as nervous as you. She thinks you’re out of her league and she is terrified you might not like her back. So go for it.

And if she turns you down, it’s really not you. It’s not her either. It just wasn’t meant to be.

No one is at fault and there’s nothing wrong with either of you, so just move on and keep your head up and don’t be afraid to ask another great girl.

Girls, we have to remember that guys have feelings too. They are nervous and scared and don’t want to make any assumptions. It’s a lot harder for them to ask us out than for us to say yes or no. Let’s take the pressure off of them and give them a chance when they deserve it.

Guys, it’s also ok for you to be single. I don’t mean single and “hanging out” with every girl in town. I mean like single and figuring life out and getting to know yourself before you decide to take a girl by the hand and do life with her.

If you have the right intentions and pursue a girl with love and genuine kindness, things will work out in your favor.

God says all things work together for good for those who love Him. Search for Him, love Him, before you try to love a girl. And look for a girl who is doing the same thing.

I listened to a podcast a few months ago just after my first date with my boyfriend. It was Louie Giglio’s podcast called “Why Date?” (Check it out here). To this day, it is one of the best sermons I’ve heard.

It put it all into perspective for me. It’s great to think that a girl is attractive, but why are you dating her? Better yet, why SHOULD you be dating her?

By pairing up with her and becoming a team, will you further the Kingdom of God or will you just have a little fun? If you can honestly say you see yourself serving God together AND having fun, then buddy, go ahead and date her and then wife her up.

You can think she’s cute, that’s fine, but look at her heart. Watch how she treats people. Listen to her dreams and passions and decide if you can see yourself spending your entire life with her striving to make the world better together.

Is she someone you want on your team permanently? If she’s more of a pinch runner for you than a homerun hitter, you might want to reconsider. A pinch runner can be helpful and can get you some points, but that homerun hitter will always go to bat for you and try her best to knock one out of the park.

(Sorry for the cheesy baseball analogy – my boyfriend is a baseball coach).

There are billions of girls in the world, but you’ll know the one for you when you stop caring about all the billions of others besides her. When you’re FOMO (fear of missing out) disappears and you don’t care what other girls are doing or what party you’re missing out on as long as you’re hanging out with her doing absolutely nothing, that’s a sign she might be the one.

But until you find her, just be still. Don’t worry about when she will come or who she will be, because it will all happen exactly when it should happen.

I know your heart has been broken ever since that hot girl at school turned you down for prom, but life moves on and gets better – I promise. Life is funny in that she will either end up being your wife or you will tell your gorgeous wife the funny story about her and how you thought your life would never go on.

So, give yourself a break. I know we say we want a chiseled, Liam Hemsworth lookalike, but the truth is, we want someone to love and to love us. We want someone to let us know how they feel and treat us like we are the most beautiful girl in the world. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be real.

So look for a girl who wants those things, those qualities, that you know you bring to the table. If your desires and hearts match up in the right way, the best way, a relationship will happen with ease. And if not, let it go.

But when the time is right and you see her and know she’s the one, don’t be afraid. Be confident in who you are and be confident in the realness of your heart and ask her. Ask her to get to know you and ask if you can get to know her. Ask her if you can have a chance to show her that there are really great guys left in the world. Ask her if you can show her how beautiful she is every day.

Be intentional. Don’t just ask her to come over and watch a movie. Plan a date and let her know you are serious about her. And if she’s the one like you think she is, she will say yes.

But until then, just wait. You don’t have to go out with anyone and everyone just for fun. You don’t have to be like all the other guys hooking up and ditching girls when things get serious. You can just wait it out and be patient until she comes along.

Because she’s waiting for you, too.

To the guy who’s waiting for the perfect girl: she’s out there being patient for you, and when everything lines up and your paths cross, you’ll know all the heartbreak and all the waiting was worth it.

Be brave and take a chance. The risk is almost always worth the outcome.

READ ALSO: “To The Girl Who’s Tired Of Waiting”

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To The Girl Who’s Tired Of Waiting

Do you ever just look at someone, watch them while they’re doing such a simple task and just smile. They have no idea anyone is looking at them and that’s what makes them all the more lovable because they’re totally unaware of your fascination – they’re just really being themselves?

I find myself doing that all the time. I’ll just watch my boyfriend taking notes in church or folding his laundry or just watching a movie – he never has any idea I’m stealing a glimpse and it makes him even more adorable. My heart flutters every single time I catch him being so him.

I never imagined myself saying that about anyone. I had hoped I would. I wanted to be in love, but I really didn’t think there was any way I’d be so in love with someone who reciprocated all the same feelings.

I feel like I spent years just longing for someone to love me. It brought me to tears so often. I told God I was being patient and waiting on the right guy, but I wasn’t being patient or waiting at all.

I was complaining when I didn’t have someone, and when I did, it wasn’t healthy or the right timing or the right person – it never felt like love.

Being a teenager, being a 20-something, being 30 (the list goes on) and trying to find our “soulmate” is the object of the game, huh? It’s what we really long for at the end of every day. Someone to cuddle with, someone to eat takeout with, and someone to just be with.

We get to a point where we will take what we can get.

I’m here to tell you to keep waiting. When you think you can’t, just wait one more day. And then the next. And the next. Something great will happen. You’ll stop waiting and you’ll just start being.

And when you can finally just be, he will come.

He won’t be what or who you expect and he won’t come when you expect him to. I know you’ve heard that a million times, but I pinky promise it’s true.

I wish I would have taken this advice. I really wish I would have.

It finally hit me that I desperately NEEDED to be alone to learn how to deal with myself before anyone else in the world would ever want to deal with me.

That doesn’t mean it’s ever easy to deal with me, and for a long time I thought that made me unlovable. I felt so hard to love.

And then someone fell in love with me when I wasn’t even looking. I was just being me. He was stealing glimpses while I was effortlessly being myself. I didn’t have to try. I was no longer hard to love at all.

I am certainly hard for him to deal with, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, loving me is his favorite thing to do and the easiest part of his day.

He came out of nowhere and I wasn’t looking for him at all. I had been single for almost two years and was so happy being alone. But God knew my heart was getting a little restless and was ready for someone to finally love me the way He intended everyone to be loved.

And when a man finally pursued me with the right intentions, things fell together.

At first, I absolutely did not want a boyfriend and thought he was very nice but wanted no part of being in a romantic relationship with him.

I thought he was fun and we’d go on a few dates and that would be it.

That wasn’t it at all. And God was laughing hysterically at my thought process.

He wasn’t who I thought I had been looking for. So I prayed for some guidance and basically was like, “Hey God if you want me to date this boy, you better show me why because I really thought I was supposed to be alone for a few more minutes or years.”

And God said, “You got it.”

I started falling more in love with Jesus while I was falling in love with him at the same time, and that’s how I knew.

I didn’t care what we had in common as long as we were both in it to further God’s kingdom together. And with every cute date and kind gesture, I saw more and more of his desire to live out God’s plan for his life. And boy was that attractive.

I have always been pretty open to the world about my love life. I’ve written about it, I’ve talked about it, and I’ve joked about it for years. My dating life has really reflected a romantic comedy (an emphasis on the comedy part) and I think the universe was silently cheering for me to finally catch a good one.

I have had so many girls genuinely tell me how happy they are for me and tell me how much they wanted what I have with my boyfriend. Every time I talk about him or tell the story of how we met, girls are brought to tears.

That’s when I want to grab them and say, “Wait.”

A good man, the right man, is more than worth the wait. Girls, LISTEN – PLEASE do not settle for someone just because you are bored or lonely. That guy can’t ever make you the happiest you were made to be, and you can’t love him the right way either. If you don’t wait for the person God made for you, you’ll end up with SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSON. That is no fun.

When you’re with YOUR person, you know he’s your person. You can see it in his eyes and feel it in every single embrace. It’s a beautiful, moving, soul-shaking feeling. It’s what we dream about starting at age 5, ladies. Do you want to settle for the so-so feeling or wait it out and get the butterflies, the really big butterflies, every single day?

I get them every day. And it’s because I FINALLY waited. I stopped searching and I let the magic happen. God saw my authentic patience finally coming through and that’s when he winked, nodded, and sent a real life prince charming my way with no strings attached.

Real love isn’t fancy dates and expensive gifts – it’s a feeling you’ll never be able to explain to a single person. And you’ll know when it’s real. It is the greatest feeling in the entire world because it comes straight from the God who is love. It’s his number one greatest gift to us.

Gosh, I love love. And I love seeing people in love. I want everyone to get to be in love with someone! I really do.

So I am begging and pleading and crying out for you to wait patiently and then just hide and watch what happens. It might not happen next week or even next year, but it will most certainly happen at the perfect time.

Before you know it, when you are content, some guy you never would’ve expected to love or to love you will finally get the courage, after months of being nervous, to ask you to go fishing. And then, well… here we are.

Calling Your Name

Isaiah 43:1  “’Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.’”

I have called you by name…

Do you ever feel like your name just doesn’t matter? Like it’s common or boring or just another name on a list or in a room or in the world?

You are not alone, my friend. We have all wondered if our name will ever be remembered.

The truth is, the only real name that matters is Jesus. But the cool part about that is, the most memorable named being calls you, by your name, too/to…

To follow. To lead. To sing. To write. To dance. To love. To live. To rejoice. To go. To stay.

You are called by name. No matter what that name is and no matter what you think it means – to you or people around you, it’s important to the Most Important.

The girl beside you is called, and that guy over there, he’s called, too. They have talents and characteristics that go right along with their specific, special calling. It seems like they have it all and their lives and names matter more than yours.

Guess what. You are called, too. BY NAME. That’s cool stuff.

Sure, your mom and dad named you, but God NAMED you HIS.

He knows how many hairs are on your head! That’s impressive for someone like me who has millions of hairs on top of my head.

He knows your heart, your desires, your dreams, your goals, your fears, your joys… He knows you and loves you no matter what.

He thought of you when He died for the world. Your face, your name, ran across his mind.

So, don’t think for one second you are just taking up space on the planet. I don’t care if you are in the smallest town in America working at the tiniest grocery store – you are still called to be there, showing His love, and bagging those groceries with a smile that might change that one customer’s life.

Whether you think your calling is small or large, it plays a huge part. And maybe you don’t think you have a calling, but then you’d be wrong.

He straight up told you that He has called you “redeemed” so that’s already your life calling – to live redeemed and show people what that really means, what it really means to live free.

Free from stress, worry, anxiety, darkness, sin, death – you’re called to be so free.

So, hey. Go ahead and shake off those thoughts straight from hell that are telling you you don’t matter because I’m telling you that He is telling you that you do in fact matter – a lot.

So, go matter. Go live. Go be free. Go be happy. Go live out your calling.

God is calling your name. Life is calling your name.

Be free,

Kaitlin

She Speaks

We all have a calling in life and I know mine is to share the words God lays on my heart to relate to people and hopefully help them. I’ve loved to write ever since I was little. Words mean a lot to me – I’m a words of affirmation person – so being able to reach even one soul with the words God gives me is my favorite thing I could ever do on this earth. I can’t remember ever not wanting to write a book. It’s been a goal of mine forever. I started writing a blog and people actually read it, so that encouraged me to keep going. I have prayed and asked advice from people I love before doing this and I know it’s what I’m being called to. I ran across a post from a friend that had a link to the “She Speaks” conference from Proverbs 31 Ministries, one of my favorite ministries to follow –  a group of women with powerful words from God. After reading the description and seeing that publishers, editors, and well-know speakers will be there to meet with conference attendees and guide them on the path they are called to, I knew with everything I have I had to go. It is not a cheap conference to attend, and as a fresh post-grad, my funds are low. I hate to ask for money for something that seems it may only benefit me, but I promise that’s not the case. To cover the conference, and hotel and travel, I will need at least $1,000 if not more. Any excess I raise will be donated to a dear friend of mine for cancer treatment. Please join me on this journey to my dreams by either donating even just a few dollars or praying for me. Click here to donate.

All my love,

Kaitlin Chappell

To The Little Brother I Barely Know

I held you a million times when you were a baby. Probably more than anyone else. Maybe even more than our parents.

You were my everything. You were my best friend, my living baby doll, my favorite hobby, and my sweet little brother.

I would come straight home from school every single day and run straight to mom so I could get you from her. While you were little, I would just hold you or rock you.

When you get bigger, I would read to you or play games in the floor with you.

When you learned to walk, I would hold your hand for as long as you wanted me to.

I don’t remember when you stopped wanting me to. I just can’t seem to put a finger on the day you didn’t really need your “sissy” anymore.

I felt like your mom. I even used to get asked if I was your mom once we were both older since we look so much alike.

I guess once I was about 15 and you were 5, you just started getting on my nerves. I am forever sorry for not letting you play with me and my friends or me and our brother. I would give anything to see you toddle down the hallway and run into my room just to play.

You just started growing up. And I was growing up too. You became that annoying little brother and I was your mean teenage sister.

I went from your favorite person in the world to probably your least favorite some days. And that breaks my heart.

I’m sorry for calling you weird and making fun of you and trying to tell you what to do. I just wanted you to be “cool” at school so you wouldn’t get made fun of. I didn’t realize you were growing into a young man who had his own quirks and thoughts and friends and life.

I read your journal one day, the one we have alike, and it made me smile and laugh and cry. It made me so proud to be your sister.

But then I realized I didn’t know you at all anymore. When I was 18, you were 8, and I was in college. And by the time I graduated, you were 11 and I had missed out on a chunk of your childhood.

I wasn’t there for any more days of school or dances or games or sleepovers. I only got to make a guest appearance in your life every once in a while.

You didn’t need me every day. You didn’t miss me anymore. You didn’t call me just to talk. You grew up without me and forgot about me. And that’s ok.

I’m so happy you are growing up into a handsome, very smart young man. I watch you from a distance now. We will never live together again and before we know it, we will both be all grown up.

I forget how old you are and try to take you to the movies or watch something silly or play a game we used to play. But you aren’t a little kid anymore. You’re a teenager and I have no idea when that happened.

I want to get to know you all over again. I want to listen more and give you just a little more attention. You have a lot of life left to live and so many places to go. You have barely gotten started and I’m glad I got to be a small part in the beginning of a beautiful life.

But I hope you do remember all those days we played and laughed so hard. And all the books we read and movies we watched and even the silly fights we had. I hope you remember how much I loved you and love you and how much of my heart belongs to you.

Because of our age difference, you are like my son in some ways. But most importantly, you are forever my baby brother. I’ll always take your side and always cheer you on. I’m your biggest fan.

The one thing that comforts me when I feel so distant from my best friend is that we really are just alike. I’ve never known another person on the planet who shares so many of my interests and quirks and thoughts and dreams.

Maybe some day soon we can sit in the floor in Books-A-Million like we love to do and you can tell me all about yourself.

I barely know you anymore, but I love you more than I ever have. Thank you for giving me someone to watch and admire. Thanks for growing up into someone I’m proud to share my heart with.

To me, you’ll always be five years old running down the hallway to my room, and I hope I’ll always be the big sister that let you come play.

A Letter To My Mom Before She Dies

Dedicated to my mother and my very best friend

It’s hard for me to even fathom the world, my world, without you in it.

You’ve always been in it.

But today I heard a speaker talk about losing their mother. I thought of when you lost yours. Then I realized if I lost mine, it would be you.

I immediately had a panic attack. Cried. Hyperventilated. Then prayed.

I don’t mean to be morbid. It’s just that I have never talked about it, written about it, or really even thought that hard about it because it terrifies me.

And I am so thankful that you aren’t sick, terminally ill, or hurt, but I just wanted you to know all these things before you die in at least 115 years.

That scares me so much, and I choose to ignore it, but I know God doesn’t want me to live in fear. Things happen that we can’t control and we can’t lose sight of God and let our worlds fall apart if they happen. He has already defeated death, so nothing can ever overpower his power and love, even my greatest fear in the entire world.

What we can do is make sure we show as much love as we can in the time we are given.

I showed up in your life earlier than you had probably planned (the only time I’ve ever shown up to anything early), and of all the things you could’ve done, you chose to love me.

From mother-daughter pictures in our matching overalls, to leaving me oatmeal creme pies to wake up to before you went to work. It was never easy, but as far as I knew, and as much as I can remember, it always felt so easy.

Simplicity and love are the two most important things you’ve shown me. And how important it is to eat our bacon extra double crispy – very important.

When my friends were mean, when I got picked on at school, when I felt like I didn’t matter at all, you told me I did then took me shopping to show me how real problems got solved. “We talked and window shopped ’til I’d forgotten all their names.”

My own personal alarm clock, even when I’m 22 and have a full-time job. I would’ve flunked out of college and gotten fired already without you.

I can’t make a single decision, even what I should eat for lunch, without calling you first.

People say to their friends, “I don’t know how I’ve made it my whole life without you.” I say to you, “I couldn’t have made it a single day without you.”

I don’t even remember one of the hundreds of fights we had. All I remember is talking at the same time then laughing about talking at the same time, shopping and eating then shopping some more then eating some more, Lifetime movies on Sunday afternoons, talking for hours and hours, sleepovers, and road trips, and all the stupid dreams you helped me chase.

I remember how you’ve given up your whole life so I could live mine. You gave up your dreams at 17 so you could make sure I reached all of mine. And you haven’t stopped giving a day since.

How is your house always clean and your makeup always perfect? Even after you work all day and cook supper for everyone? Still haven’t figured that one out.

I’ve seen you cry and I’ve made you cry – tears of joy, pride, and sometimes even sadness.

My triumphs have been your triumphs and my struggles your struggles.

Someone complimented my hair one time while we were shopping, and you said to me, “Gosh you’re so beautiful. And there’s no one else I’d rather be in public with and hear how pretty they are all the time.” I cried of course, but I also never forgot that.

All the lunches packed with sweet notes, all the Christmas presents, all the surprises waiting for me when I get home – my days have been made because of you.

I remember one time daddy picked me up from school and I was sick to my stomach just knowing something bad had happened to you. When I got home, you had surprised me for my birthday and painted my room – each wall a different color and hippie stuff everywhere just like I had always wanted.

That’s what you’ve done my whole life – painted all the walls a different color just when I really needed it.

No one knows me better than you and no one really ever will.

When I don’t feel like I’m worth a dime, I remember that you think I’m worth millions, and it never fails to make me smile and keep my head up.

I don’t give up because you’ve never let me. If my confidence is low, I pretend I’m walking into the room with you, my favorite partner in crime and confidence boost.

I say all of that to say your job as a mother has been done very well, but your job as a person, as my person, couldn’t have been done by anyone else.

I know there will be a day when I won’t have you to pick me up or save me or tell me if I can wash my blouse with my towels, and that breaks my heart and sends tears streaming.

But then I smile because God gave me you all those years ago and knew how much I would need you. So it’s not sad that we won’t always be a phone call or short drive away because we’re as close as close can be.

Thank you for wearing matching overalls with me, making my days special by taking me to Burger King, having my Barbie doll baked atop my birthday cake, and recording Barney on VHS so I wouldn’t cry when he would leave.

Because of you, I do stand a little taller and love myself a little more.

I am not sure what I will ever do without you, and I pray it’s no time soon, but remember the rule…we don’t talk about it.

I sure hope you don’t read this mom, because I know you will just cry and cry and cry.

And hey, this was the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and I cried the entire time.

But I wanted you to know all these things, and God gave me today, so I wrote it today.

If you’re reading this and have a special person in your life, make sure they know how much you love them because the best time to love is right now.

The Way He Should Be Dating You

“We’re dating.”

What does that even mean? Are you going on dates and getting to know each other or just hanging out as his place and watching movies a few nights a week? There’s a difference.

We have gotten so confused about the way we should be “dating” these days. The world has put this twist on it that says just hanging out and hooking up means you’re in love and will be together forever.

Wrong. So wrong.

This is for men and women to listen to.

Women, he should be actively pursuing you in the most honorable way, and you should let him know if he should continue to pursue you or move on.

Men, you should be going out of your way to pursue her and let her know your intentions up front.

Aren’t we done playing these silly games? Hard to get, making each other jealous, hiding our true feelings to spare humiliation, putting on a front? None of that is genuine or real or love.

I played those games for years. I thought I loved people, but I never loved anyone full force. I love hard when I really love. My people know that, and they accept that, but there was never a guy who really let me love him the way I wanted to, the way I needed to.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend, I still didn’t love him full on. I couldn’t. He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just let go and love him and let him love me, but every time I had ever let my guard down, my heart had been broken and I swore that would never happen again.

That’s when I had a little chat with God and said, “God, please let me accept this love and give it back with all of my heart without fear.” And He said, “Kaitlin, if this man is your husband, that’s wonderful, and if he’s not, I have someone even better for you and even better for him, so just trust me. I’ve got this.”

It didn’t happen over night, but I eventually just let love in and let love out. And it was awesome. It IS awesome!

It really all started the day my boyfriend asked me out. I had been single for two years (much needed) and had actually been asked out by a 65-year-old man the day before. (That’s a whole other story you can read here.) So, I was done dating and seriously just so content with being alone and getting to know myself better. And that’s when it happened.

Soon after I politely denied the 65 year old, my roommate called freaking out saying a guy from our church small group wanted to ask me to dinner. I was like, “Sure why not. I’ve got nothing to lose.”

I expected a call or text or Facebook message (the usual), but no. This guy approached me face-to-face knowing good and well I could say no if I wanted to. But he didn’t let that stop him.

He told me he had been working the courage up all summer and finally just asked me on a date. IN PERSON. I was truly shocked that guys even still did that. Funny enough, I had been asked out the same day by a guy via text.

But I told this guy, in person, yes. I will go on a date with you, you brave man with some guts about you, of course I will.

I hadn’t sought him out nor was I really even interested, but I will gladly hang out with someone that has a kind heart and good character. (It didn’t hurt that I think he’s really cute).

Without giving you every detail of our relationship (I’ll save that for another post), I’ll tell you that he asked me to go fishing and get ice cream and said he had already bought me a fishing pole and he would pick me up at 6:30 the next day.

The boy had a plan and a time and everything. I was blown away. He actually wanted to take me on a real date. And he got creative and thought of something other than a movie!

After a couple of really cute dates and picking me up for dinner reservations with my favorite flowers and the whole nine yards, I really started to give this guy a chance because he was actively pursuing me and getting to know my heart.

When he asked me to be his girlfriend – pause – he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t just assume or have to guess or ask, “What are we?” He wanted me to be his. He wanted to tell everyone I was his person. Anyway.. when he asked me, he sat me down and told me his intentions.

No one had ever had this conversation with me. He told me he hadn’t dated in several years and he wanted to wait for the right person to pursue and that he was pursuing someone to marry. Yes that’s serious and can be scary, but it was honest and real and intentional and I loved it.

I’m not telling you all this to brag about my boyfriend (even though he is seriously a 10). I’m telling you all this to tell you to wait on the guy who treats you like this! My boyfriend is not perfect and never will be, but he wakes up every day and decides to love me and show me that in a million different ways, even on the days I’m extremely hard to love.

I’m telling you to wait for him. I didn’t always have him. I went through guys who hung out with me 5 days a week and never once took me on a date. I went through guys who didn’t let me know what their intentions were or even that they really loved me at all.

I wish I would’ve known that they weren’t pursuing me, that they weren’t dating me the right way and I wasn’t dating them the right way. It wasn’t fair to anyone in the situation and no good came from it (other than lessons learned).

He doesn’t have to wine and dine you. My boyfriend took me to do the cutest things and barely spent a dime several times. He took me to feed the ducks at the park one night and it’s one of my favorite memories. All he had to buy was bread!

He doesn’t have to bring you flowers every day, but he will do little things to show you he cares and that he took time out of his busy day to think about you.

He won’t leave you guessing how he feels. He will let you know every chance he gets.

He won’t make you ask about your relationship status because he will want the world to know the two of you are a pair and that he is happy to be a pair with someone as amazing as you.

Last night, my boyfriend took a picture I printed to put on his dashboard in his car. It was something so simple and made my heart smile so big. He wanted to see that picture every day as a reminder that he’s a part of a pair with me and he’s happy to be in that pair. It made me remember that he just loves me and wants everyone to know it.

If you’re in a relationship and you have prayed and know in your heart that he isn’t pursuing you the right way, it’s ok to get out. You’ll actually be helping yourself, him, and whoever he decides to marry.

Being a girl is hard and being a guy trying to date a girl is hard. But when we let go of fears and stop worrying about what the world thinks and focus on each other’s hearts, we step into the kind of love God designed us for. It’s a pure and beautiful love that can only be full if it’s shared and shared with the right person.

You’ll know if it’s him by the way he dates you from the beginning. A real man will do what he can to let you know he is interested in who you are as a person, your quirks and habits and interests and favorite books, not just how good of a kisser you are.

Let him pursue you the right way and don’t be afraid to fall. Sometimes when you just let go, the absolute best things in life have a chance to happen.

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Related reads: To The Girl Who’s Tired of Waiting

Be The Girl Worth The Wait

You may be tired of waiting for a guy to sweep you off your feet, but don’t you know he’s been waiting too?

As women, we put so much emphasis on being pursued and loved with a fiery passion, but I think we sometimes forget to be a woman worth waiting for.

How can we expect the right man to find us if we aren’t being the right woman?

I know I struggle a lot with expectations. I set ridiculous expectations for those I love and for myself. That isn’t fair to anyone. It sets everyone up for failure because no one is perfect and everyone will let you down. Everyone except God will let you down at some point – it’s inevitable.

Expecting a man to be your knight in shining armor is absolutely unrealistic. Life is not like a movie. You will marry a real guy not a storybook character. At times, he will certainly make you feel like your life is a movie and you are a princes, but he won’t be perfect and neither will you.

It’s vital that we are working to be strong, independent, respectable women that any man would love to take home to his mother. That may be old fashioned, but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

Young girls are looking up to you whether you think so or not, and they mimic what you say and do. Setting an example is a full-time job, so think about those little eyes watching your every move.

Be a lady. Have fun, but be a lady. You don’t have to show off your entire body all the time. Leave room for mystery and save something for your husband – it will make him feel special, and he will respect you that much more.

Don’t try so hard. You don’t have to try to be someone you’re not because then that special guy will fall in love with someone you’re not. And once he realizes it was all a show, chances are, he will start searching for someone more genuine who is real from the start.

My boyfriend always says he fell in love with me while I was just busy being myself. I had no idea he was watching, and I was just being me – not putting on a show or a front. And that’s when he fell in love with me, the me I really am. And as our relationship has grown, he has grown to fall more in love with me as he’s learned more about the real me – the good and the bad.

I was waiting for him, praying for him, hoping he would come love me how I needed to be loved. Little did I know, he was waiting for me too.

If I hadn’t been the woman I needed to be in the right place with God, he would have never pursued me. He was searching for someone with a pure heart who was on a journey of loving God. He didn’t want to chase someone, he didn’t want to be chased, he wanted to walk side by side with a woman after God’s heart.

Was I perfect? NO. He learned that quickly. But I’m a work in progress just like everyone else and he recognized that and forgave me and continues to forgive me for all my mistakes, just like Jesus does.

I waited for a man for what seemed like forever before I finally realized that I had been searching for myself all along.

Think about where you’re looking for a guy. Would you want to tell your kids you met at that place or in that way? Don’t get me wrong, everything happens for a reason and we can use mistakes and unplanned events in our lives to still glorify God, but we can also save ourselves some heartache by taking the right steps first.

If we aren’t at the right place to meet that person, then we will either meet them at the wrong place and wrong time, or we will meet the wrong person all together.

We have to be on the right path alone before we can start walking it with someone else. I can’t stress enough how important it is for two people to be whole separately before they can ever be whole together.

He cannot complete you. I repeat: HE CANNOT COMPLETE YOU. The love of God is the ONLY thing in heaven and earth that can ever complete you. When that clicks, the love of your life will come out of nowhere with his good-looking, God-complete self.

Women, we can’t sit around wondering when some man will save us from ourselves. Let God save you. Pursue your love for Him every day until that man comes and then every day after. If that one relationship is steady, every other one will follow suit.

You are gold. You are special. You are a queen, a princess, a beloved daughter. Act like it! Don’t lower your standards and disrespect yourself by just doing anything and everything to pass the time until someone scoops you up.

Make your mind up every morning when your feet hit the floor that you are a prize and you will act like it. Wear your crown proudly and walk with your head held high throughout the day.

When you love yourself and treat yourself with respect, a man will come right along who does the same. The great thing is – you want need that love, but you will want it if it’s the right time and the right guy. And it’s so much more fun to love when you aren’t depending on it for your joy.

So, to the girl who’s tired of waiting, be the best you you can be while you wait. By becoming the right person, you will find the right person for you. Stop searching for him and start searching yourself.

Love love,

Kaitlin

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The Five People You’ll Meet In Dating

“All endings are also beginnings.” – Mitch Albom

While some people don’t spend a long time in the dating world, many people do.

There are so many articles, blogs and stories about love, marriage, dating, etc. I myself have written a few (ok a lot). But why is that?

It’s because it’s so important. Love is so important. A lyric in a Ben Rector song says, “We just wanna be loved.” The song basically says that the reason for almost everything everyone does is love.

We make jokes, we buy nice things, we get dressed up, we try our best, we go out of our way…we do a lot of things to be liked or loved by somebody — not just romantically — just period.

But what’s the point?

There are obviously a lot of points and I could write a whole book on that (that’s an idea), but right now I just want to talk about how it changes you, how it moves you, and what you get it out of it in the end.

Just because you get dumped or you end things with someone doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It can really be so great. It can be one of the best gifts in the world.

In dating, you meet a lot of different people. You learn about what you want in a future mate, but more importantly, you learn about what you want in yourself.

I like nice, round numbers, so I thought I would consolidate the list to five. The five people you’ll encounter on your quest for love — even if you never date five people. Hey, you might find all five people in one person (but then that person might have more issues than you even realized). But seriously, the five might just come all wrapped in one big box. So don’t go try to date five people really quickly (or at the same time) just to figure all this out…..

1. The match

You might just meet your match. Now this can mean several things.

You can meet your actual match. Someone who is just like you. He has the same interests as you, same hobbies, same goals, same sense of humor, same personality, etc. Sometimes it might just work. You might have been created so much alike because you were created for each other. It might have literally been a match made in Heaven. But, the old saying that opposites attract could hold true. Being too much like someone might have some negative consequences. Dating your twin soul could drive you crazy. Maybe that’s just what friends are for. Maybe you’ll learn that want your hobbies, goals and personality to be yours and yours only when it comes to a relationship — that you want to be you and nobody else.

You might meet the person that tests you and challenges you in every way. He might argue with you, point out your flaws and make you question everything you believe in. Your match will make you stronger and make you think harder. He will make you learn more about yourself than you’ve ever known. Making it to the end of the relationship with your match means you’ve finished the test. You’ve improved yourself and become a better you than you were when you met him, and isn’t that beautiful?

2. The Ying

During your journey, you’ll meet the ying to your yang. You’ll find your better half. He/she will complete you. Ying will hate red Starbursts so you can eat all the red and give him the orange. Ying will be quiet and listen because you’re loud or he’ll be the life of the party because you like to be reserved. He’ll think of things you never would and encourage you to try things you never have before. He’ll be your opposite in every way and make you leap out of your comfort zone. But sometimes Ying might be so much different than you that things just fall apart. You’re going down different roads at full speed and you’ll crash and burn if you try continuing down the same road. But before the crash turns ugly, you stop the trip and realize that you have come out more alive than ever before.

3. The Giver

We all want to learn to give. Give love. Give forgiveness. Give joy. It isn’t always easy, but there are those people who give so freely. They give themselves to everyone and everything they encounter. You’ll meet the giver. He’ll be kind-hearted and loving. He will give you the world and then some. He’ll let you do what you want, say what you want, and have what you want. He will give you all his time, love and energy. He won’t say no and he’ll make sure you’re always happy. That can be dangerous. That can bring out the worst in you. That can make you the taker. You have to find someone that you love and appreciate enough to give to. Find someone that helps you be a giver, and not just a taker.

4. The One That Got Away

You’ll meet the person you thought you’d be with forever. The one that got away will be everything you ever wanted and then some. You will feel like the luckiest person in the world to even stand next to them. You will never feel like you deserve them. They’ll be out of your league from where you stand. You’ll always give 100 percent to ensure you’ll have them forever. That will exhaust you. You can’t be at your best all the time. Both people in the relationship should feel lucky to be with the other, like they can’t believe the other one even likes someone like them. When this one gets away, it will be a relief, and you’ll know that you want someone to love you as much as you loved the one that just wasn’t meant for you. And how cool that you’ll one day meet someone that is even better than the one that didn’t want to stay. I bet you never even imagined that.

5. You

You’ll meet yourself. You’ll finally figure yourself out. When you do, there’s a pretty good chance the person you are supposed to end up with has just figured himself/herself out too. It’ll happen how and when it’s supposed to. Through all the love, the breakups, the struggles, the fights, the amazing dates and the not so amazing dates, you will fall in the love with the most important person in your life — yourself. The other people you meet while dating will lead you to who you truly are and that will eventually lead to who you’re supposed to spend forever with. You will learn things about yourself you never knew, and you will learn to be confident in who you are. That’s the key in allowing someone else to love you — to love yourself. And in the times that you are single and feel like you’ll never find anyone, that’s when you’ll learn the most. Spending a lot of time with yourself really shows you how fun you are to hang out with! And if it shows you that you aren’t so fun to be with, you’ll learn what you need to change to be someone you’d want to be with.

The truth is, you’ll meet way more than five people throughout your love-life. Most the time, you’ll meet them without even knowing it. When you finally find what you’re looking for, you’ll look back at everyone that changed you and guided you to where you finally are. You’ll love them all in the least romantic way possible. You will appreciate every single good and bad thing they ever did or said because it got you here. It got you to love. It got you to happy. The last person you’ll meet in dating will be worth having to meet every other person you ever met.