When You Have To Explain Your Nakedness

It is very hard to do your own thing in a world that is constantly watching and waiting.. waiting for you to mess up or succeed or post a picture or update your status. It makes this whole life thing just a little bit harder.

I’ve really been struggling with being able to live my life without worrying about what everyone thinks. To be honest, I’ve always struggled with that. I thought it would get better with age, but it has actually gotten worse.

Of course, comparison has been enhanced with social media, but I’m not going to harp on that right now. Comparison is the thief of joy and always will be.

I recently quit my job as a TV news reporter and I’m currently the Marketing Director at an Ice Complex. Saying that sentence to people over and over again sounds more and more ridiculous every time I say it.

Lately, I have felt like I’m not the one living my own life. I feel like an outsider watching and I can’t believe it’s all happening.

I have to explain my decision to so many people all the time. It’s the first thing people ask when they haven’t seen me in a while or if they’ve heard about it from a friend.

Just the other day, a girl asked me, “Have you found a job yet?”

When I told her what I was doing, she laughed. She actually laughed. I’m not making that up or being dramatic. She laughed at me because it sounded stupid to her.

I have no idea what I said after that because I was totally stunned that someone would laugh at me for what I had decided to do with my life. I felt the need to explain the entire thing to her, but she barely knows me, so she wouldn’t understand.

She didn’t understand that God had called me to do it and it was part of His plan. I don’t even fully understand it, so how could I possibly lead her to understand it?

Are you in a place where you feel like you have to explain yourself to everyone around you?

Did you make a decision that didn’t make sense to anyone except God and maybe you?

We have all been there or are there right now. We find ourselves breaking up with that guy everyone thought was perfect or quitting that picture-perfect job or selling that house or moving cities or changing majors or leaving a group of friends behind because of lifestyle changes. And we feel so stupid and vulnerable in front of the world.

It’s like that dream where you show up to school naked. There is no one to help you and no way to find clothes. You just have to stand there, embarrassed beyond belief, in all your glory.

That’s how I have felt lately – like everyone else had their clothes on and had everything together while I stood there naked and embarrassed for everyone to stare at.

News flash to anyone reading this and myself writing this, NO ONE HAS THEIR CLOTHES ON.

We are all showing up to school naked on a daily basis, and for anyone pretending to be clothed, they are doing just that – pretending. If someone tries to make you feel like their life is together and yours isn’t, chances are, theirs isn’t either and they are overcompensating.

Instead of laughing at each other and expecting explanations, we have to start struggling alongside each other and helping each other. I don’t mean just doing that for your family or best friends, I mean for everyone.

Life will never be perfect. There will always be struggles. And we will always have to make tough decisions, some small, some large. And we do not owe anyone an explanation for those decisions, especially people who barely know us.

Stop explaining yourself, and start embracing yourself. Live uninterrupted.

That girl doesn’t know that I had prayed over my situation for a long time before I knew I wasn’t where God wanted me. She doesn’t know that I’m still praying because I feel that I’m still not permanently where He wants me, but I know I’m on my way. She doesn’t know that I have dreams and goals I’m fulfilling outside of the job I go to every day. She doesn’t know that a job isn’t the most important thing to me and that a life of serving Jesus and others is.

So why did I get so upset about someone who doesn’t know my heart laughing at me? Because we all want to be loved and accepted. But we have to remember that our love and our affirmation and our identity come from a greater power than the girls who laugh or the guys who tell us we’re stupid or the people who let us know that we’ve made the wrong choice. Our self-worth is found in Christ who tells us He loves us no matter what decision we make or where we work or where we live or what we choose to do to make money for the time being as long as we are whole-heartedly living a life that points to Him.

So, don’t feel like you have to explain yourself to everyone who asks and even those who don’t. Don’t feel like you have to keep up with what you think their lives are like.

You aren’t meant to be in the same season of life as everyone around you.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

There is a time for everything, but your time is not the same as the person’s next to you. Every life and every journey is unique on purpose. God didn’t make anyone the same, so why would He make anyone’s timing the same?

We can’t try to live in the same season as everyone around us while we work on walking in our current season. It just can’t play out like that.

So, walk through your season with grace and confidence knowing you are meant to, and don’t feel the pressure of explaining that to anyone. And if they do ask, and you do answer, pray for the words to speak so that your answer will reflect God and His perfect will.

You are you for a very good reason and you will walk through many valleys before you get to your mountaintops. If someone watches those valley journeys and laughs, they aren’t for you, but God is. Those who love you like God does will walk through those valleys with you and lift you up out of them. And then you will do the same for them.

It’s funny/surprising/refereshing that so many people who know my story and know what God is doing have been so proud of me and happy for me for leaving what the world sees as beautiful for something “not so cool.” They know I’m heeding to the call of my God and walking on the path He has specifically laid out for me. They know something greater lies ahead, and I don’t have to explain that to them.

Whatever you are walking through, something greater lies ahead for you, too. It’s not always easy to remember and you can’t always see it, but have faith, and keep walking because you will get there. The days will pass anyway, so you might as well keep walking.

Don’t ever feel like you aren’t good enough because you are. And you don’t have to convince anyone that you are because everyone around you can see it, I promise.

The moment someone makes you feel like you have to convince them of your worth is the moment you step back and remind yourself of your worth and them of their worth, because they might need it more than you.

Guys Are Looking for Love Too

Girls get so caught up in romance and our hearts and finding love and if “he’s the one” that we forget about the other side of the equation.

We aren’t the only ones in relationships. It really does take two to tango, you know?

I never really thought guys dreamt of their future wives or hoped for that perfect soulmate or even cared about love at all until I met someone who made me realize it’s not all about the girl.

So many times, girls have been so hurt by a guy (or guys) that they see every single guy through the lenses of a generalization rather than for who he is as an individual.

I did that and still do that. I catch myself not believing there would be any way for my fiancé to really love me the way I love him because guys just don’t love like girls.

That is very wrong and, really and truly, unbiblical. God never said, “these people love more and harder and better than these other people.” We are all called to love and we learn true love through the love of God.

After finding a guy who really knew what it meant to love God and be loved by God, it became clear to me that he had the desire for love just like I did.

It comes across in the way he puts me first, in the way he does special things for me, and in the way he plans cute little things for us to do. At first I thought he only did romantic things because I like them and he wants me to be happy, but I started to realize that it was satisfying a hunger for him too.

Who are we to think, as girls, that guys don’t long to be loved? God made us with the desire to be loved. Girls may show that differently, in a more open and sensitive way, but that doesn’t mean that men are not desperate for affection too.

A woman can’t leave the man out in the pursuit of a relationship because that’s when she makes it all about her.

If we are so focused on them making us happy and buying us flowers and cooking us dinner and planning us dates then we turn this into a one-sided deal that was always meant to be 50/50.

If we are searching for all the love for ourselves, what love are we giving them?

I have found myself taking advantage, unknowingly, of what an amazing guy he is because I’ve never had that kind of love before. It initially felt like a dream and the fairytale I’ve always wanted, but then it became real. Relationships can give you butterflies and all that cute stuff, but at the end of the day, they are very real. There are real fights and real emotions and real problems and a real purpose as to why you have been joined together.

We cannot look for relationships for ourselves but for the glory of God. Have you realized that? Because I sure didn’t. I was in it for me. I wanted the butterflies and the cute pictures and fun dates and someone to hang out with all the time but it didn’t cross my mind that it was for something bigger than me.

When I first started dating my now fiancé, I wasn’t fully on board because I was all about being single. Just when I was pretty sure I wouldn’t continue the relationship, I listened to a podcast about “why you should date.” I have referenced the podcast a million times and always will. He basically said, if you’re dating someone because you think they are cute or fun or a good time, you’re really wrong. You should be with someone because, together, you can further the kingdom of Christ. Out of all the moments I think back on when I say I “knew” he was the one, that really was it. That was God knocking telling me I found the one HE wanted for me to do HIS work. Point blank. No other questions asked.

And the same goes for him. He wants love and loves to love me and enjoys having me to hang out with (I think), but that’s not the main goal of him pursuing me. He pursued me for my heart for The Lord because it matched up with his. He hasn’t been dreaming of a trophy wife to do the dishes, he has been longing for someone to walk beside him while he chases after God. We walk together through all the victories and all the struggles to, and that’s what love really is.

So, yeah, maybe guys aren’t all about all the “hype” of being in love, but they are hopeless romantics in the sense that they desire a connection with someone who will love them for who they are no matter what  for the rest of forever. They may not say it or write about it or post about it or scream it from mountaintops, but they let us know with their quiet words or loving actions or selflessness.

Girls aren’t the only ones out there looking for “the one” and getting their hearts broken. Guys are going through it too. Good men are still left in the world and they are on their pursuit just like women.

We can’t think of all men like we think of that one guy who wrecked our world just like they can’t think of women like they think of the girl who dumped them for another guy.

Every person, male or female, deserves love and deserves a chance, despite the actions of their predecessor.

Girls, let’s stop being selfish in this pursuit of love. Let guys in on the fun and remember that they have hearts too. They aren’t robots with no feelings; they are made in God’s image, and God is love.

And the one who did break your heart, he wants love too, but he wasn’t right for you. So, just pray he shows that to the woman he will spend forever with while you pray that for your future husband.

We are all running toward the same eternity, and we all want to be loved along the way. Men need love as much as women, just in a different way, so let’s recognize that and respond.

We aren’t the only ones dreaming about that wedding day and a lifetime of happiness, ladies, so scoot over and let him enjoy the love too.

 

The Day After The Day I Quit My Dream Job

I had a million and one dreams and aspirations when I was kid and none of them involved sitting at a desk for 40 hours a week.

I bet none of you dreamt that’s how you’d spend your time either.

That’s why I got a job as a reporter, so I’d rarely have to sit at a desk.

I already told you about how I up and quit my dream job as a reporter one day without another job lined up. My dream turned out to be something I was meant to do but not meant to do forever.

Well, the days came just like I knew they would and I didn’t have anything lined up to jump into.

Until.

My last week at my job as a reporter, I had several interviews. I had applied everywhere, so I was willing to interview everywhere. I was willing to work anywhere until I found that “dream job.”

I was offered a job on Wednesday night and my last day at the news station was Friday. Woah. I see you, God.

The job I was offered was not my dream job nor the job I went to school hoping to be at one day. I had never in a million years imagined I’d be where I was going. I didn’t particularly want to go there, either. But I knew I had to have a job, and, at the end of the day, it was a stepping stone and experience, and that’s better than nothing at all.

I think a lot of times we leave something because we are being called to exit, whether that’s a job, a relationship, a city, or anything else we are no longer meant to be with, but then we wait in the wrong way.

Being patient in waiting on your next step is great and beautiful and necessary. But waiting does not mean not doing anything. God wants you to wait on Him and listen to Him, but sometimes He leads you to an “in-between.”

I’m confident that’s where I am right now. And you might be there too. And that’s ok.

There’s no rule book that says when you are supposed to be where, so stop freaking out.

You might be in the job you’ll be at forever and be happy. You might be in the second of 15 jobs. You might be in the first of 100 jobs. The whole point is that as long as we are pursuing God and listening to Him, we are where we are supposed to be or on the track back there. Period.

A lot of times when it comes to something like a job, we want to just wait around and not do our part. Yes, God calls us to rest. Yes, God calls us to take time to pray and make a decision. And yes, if you are financially able to do so, give yourself time to be without a job until you find the next one, but don’t just stop and wait for Him to throw you a bone if you aren’t chasing after Him and doing your part.

Again, if I had my pick of jobs, I wouldn’t have picked the one I accepted, but I knew deep down that He was pushing me to that job. It didn’t matter what I wanted because it isn’t about me. It’s about Him and other people. Remember that little acronym? JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself – We learned it in VBS, and it’s still true.

Everything we do should be about Jesus then others then, lastly, us. The world says,”Be selfish, look out for number one, do you.” But God says, “Be selfless, look out for your fellow man, do the right thing.”

So, I go to work at as the Marketing Director at an ice complex every day not because it’s glamorous or earns me recognition or pays me a ton of money, but because I know it’s the next step on the journey God is leading me on. And I know, in some way, at some point, He will show me “why.”

If I decide I want a high level Marketing/PR job like many communications-minded people, so this is where I start: building a brand for a company who needs one from the ground up, improving social media followings, planning community events, helping the kids here, growing the Special Olympics program, plugging a non-profit organization for athletes into the community, and more than anything, being a light for the people I interact with, all the while, building my own brand and my skillset, which is necessary for any and every job.

It is not about where you are or what you’re doing, it’s about how you do it. And it’s not always easy. You won’t always want to do it. And you may be in your “in-between” stage for a long time before God sees that it is time for your next adventure. That’s not a bad thing; that means He wants you to grow just a little more before you move on.

They might need you longer and you might need to gain a few more skills that will be necessary at that next job.

I started out at the news station doing digital producing and that is not what I wanted to do. But I use the skills I learned in that position every single day at my current marketing job. And that’s how God showed me “the why” of that season of my life that I struggled to understand. And I know that he has reasons for what I’m doing as the Marketing Director of an Iceplex. I have already learned skills and programs that I know I’ll need for something later on. And had I not been put here, I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities that might just lead me to something bigger.

We are “big picture” people these days. It’s hard to focus on anything but the end goal. But, God is very concerned with the in-between. My favorite message I’ve ever heard (I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again) was from Pastor Christ Hodges. It was about the “process” and how God works on us during that in-between phase and that’s why He loves that season more than He loves what we think of as the “finish lines” of our seasons. (You can watch/listen here.)

This idea goes for anything you’re going through. If you just got out of a relationship, you might be single for a while, but that’s not because God isn’t working; it’s because He IS working and preparing you and your future spouse for one another. That doesn’t happen overnight. Nothing good in life happens overnight. It might seem that way to us every now and then, but God was working even when we weren’t noticing.

Those in-between seasons can be beautiful if we choose to let them. We can learn and grow and take what we learn over to the next season. That’s called life: learning lessons and building on them forever.

I know that wherever you are: finish line, in-between, starting line, God is preparing you for something. He always is. There’s always a next and we are always working toward Heaven. We are working not to get there but to prepare our hearts for that final prize.

In the midst of your in-between-ness, just pause and reflect on what you’re learning and know that God will show you “why” later. He doesn’t have to do that for us, but He is kind, so He does.

I have to do that. Sometimes I think, “How did I end up here in this city, at this job, with these duties?” And then I remember, “Because God.” He wants me where I am and so I’ll do what I’m supposed to until He decides it’s time for a new season.

Jobs are not all about money or power or position; they are about how we are furthering The Kingdom. You might be working in retail or the food industry or at a gas station or somewhere else where you may not feel respected or dignified, but guess what? You are. You are a respected, dignified Child of God. And what you are doing, the people you are serving, the light you are shining is making a difference.

Again, I doubt no one dreamt of a 40-hour a week desk job, and not everyone has one, but some of us do. And that doesn’t make you any less accomplished than anyone else. There’s no comparison chart, so stop trying to make one up.

Keep pressing on. Keep your eyes open and your heart thankful, no matter what the day is like, what the season is like, what the moment is like.

One major thing I learned in quitting a job and immediately finding another one like a magic trick is that God provides and is always faithful. I’m not so sure I really knew what prayer was until that month of darkness, worry, and finding real faith, but now I do. And that sure seems like “the why” to me.

XO,

Kaitlin